In My Day...
In My Day...
Wedding Pitfalls
From spider infestations to spinach dip pranks, hear stories of wedding pitfalls from Ryan, Dave and special guest, McKellar!
McKellar Ciurlizza is the Director of Client Services at Family Financial Partners.
Listen in as they share their own experiences, tips for those planning their "big day," and thoughts on budgeting after tying the knot. You won't want to miss this episode of In My Day.
David Smyth and Ryan Petrunyak talk about family, finances and fun. Learn more about Family Financial Partners at familyfinancialpartners.com.
Securities offered through The O.N. Equity Sales Company, Member FINRA/SIPC, One Financial Way Cincinnati, Ohio 45242 (513) 794-6794. David Smyth is an Investment Advisor Representative offering Investment Advisory services through O.N. Investment Management Company. Estate planning services provided in conjunction with your licensed legal advisor.
All right. Hi everybody. Welcome back to another episode of In My Day with Ryan and Dave. And today we actually have a special guest with us who I will let Dave introduce A special guest? Special guest. Yep. Don't you mean just guest? Debatable. I'm gonna give her special guest though. Okay. Well, McKellar, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. For those, those out there in the listening audience that have no idea who McKellar is, McKellar, why don't you tell them what you get to do every day here around the office. So I am the Director of Client Services and I get to make sure that all of our clients get what they need, when they need it, and how they need it. And that includes keeping Ryan in line as well as me every now and then. Right? That is the hardest part. Yes. That's the hardest part of my job. So the reason we brought you in today is that Ryan and I agreed on the last episode. If we were doing a show on the topic of wedding season and or tying the knot. We definitely had one point of view from the fellas side on the topic, but we just felt like we were missing something. Yeah. Maybe we wanna round out that conversation a little bit. So we're hoping today that you can come and, and entertain us a little bit, and enlighten us and help us understand the female point of view, the woman's point of view of nuptials. You all could use that every once in a while. So I'm happy to do it. We appreciate that so much. So we are entering into engagement season. Yeah. As everyone knows. And when, when we think of engagement season, what are the things that come to your mind, Ryan? That come to my mind on engagement season? I would have to say my engagement I got engaged in in June, so I don't know if that's engagement.. I know a lot of people do around the holidays, and some people do springtime, some people do summer. I don't know if there's a season for it, McKellar, or how does that work? I feel like there's a big click up over Christmas. Like there's a lot of holiday engagements and then you'll see, like in your case, you got engaged in June after school went out. So like if you're gonna propose to somebody, like, you know, after school gets out, after, you know, you've graduated. You know, just over a summer vacation, something like that. So sometimes it does happen. A little cyclically. Sure. Cyclically. Yeah. I think that's a word. Cy. Cyclically. We'll Grammarly you on that? Grammarly. Yeah. Yeah.. So it does happen and there's When I was at Asbury University many, many years, back in my day, as we got into the spring season, I know as many of the senior females were enrolling in class, they would make sure to take their MRS class. Dave. Dave... is that wrong? Yes. It really was a class though. No, it's not. No. There were people, it seemed like every day out on the front of the school, there'd be someone on their knees proposing to someone. They were amazed and they're like, they already knew the ring size. I mean, it's just amazing. Right? Yes. Back in your day. They did not want to leave campus without that ring. I think Asbury was a little different than UK, too, now. I got a hunch. Well, most of us went directly to the mission field or to a service project or church or whatnot. Right. Back then. Back then. But now it's a little different, right. So, sure. You know, they always call like the winter, right? Cuffing season. Right. And then you get to the end of winter and springtime and it's like the, the cuffs are off, right? Like, like, we're gonna go date, we're gonna be merry, we're gonna be social. And then all of a sudden what quickly happens as we go through March Madness, into the odds of April, right? Is, all of a sudden people fall starry-eyed in love with each other. And rings come out. And I know Valentine's Day is the number one day every year for engagement. Right. It's like in the millions, it's like 6 million people a year getting engaged on Valentine's Day. 6 million? It's a big number. You might want to fact check that. I'm gonna fact check that. It's a big number. It is a big number. Disregard me for about 30 seconds as I fact check it. You can fact check this, but there's a lot of engagements, but then you have springtime and you have a ton of people getting engaged and the excitement rolls over, obviously from spring to summer and you go into wedding season, right? So the thought is for a lot of people out there that are thinking like, I'm in engagement season, Ryan, have you found something? My eyes just lit up. That's why Dave stopped his thought. According to Goodhousekeeping.com, nearly 6 million couples, so not people, but 6 million couples get engaged on Valentine's day. Give me some credit. I'm not sure if that's every year though. I'd have to dig deeper. I think that's total. It's gotta pain. You just using Good Housekeeping as your source. This is the first time I've ever used Good Housekeeping as a true source for something. You know, that's the thing about when I tell stories to people, I always make sure that one of them is factual out of every three. Because if they happen to fact check me on something I say, and then they find out it's right, then they're left going, what? Maybe I gotta, I gotta believe the rest of 'em. Gotta believe the rest of 'em. Right. Kudos. Kudos. You thought you had me there? I did. I really did. Okay, so back on Target, we go through engagement season, people are getting engaged and then we go into, directly into wedding season. What would you say is a timeline for wedding season? And let's talk about just kind of some experiences for you. What were your first experiences thinking about, you know, thinking back to engagement season and wedding season. So when I think about engagement season, it's a lot of the times in the beginning being a bridesmaid, right? So all of your best girlfriends are getting engaged and you get to be in their wedding. And with that comes a lot of planning. It comes a lot of you know, sometimes it comes a lot of anxiety just because you've got so many things to plan. You know, you've got a wedding shower, you've got a bachelorette, you've got the rehearsal dinner, you've got all these things that you need to attend, you have to buy dresses for, you wanna make sure your best friend has the most wonderful experience, top to bottom that goes from the shower to wedding day. You wanna make sure she has a wonderful time. So there's a lot of care and thought that goes into all of that. So when I think about engagement season, it's not just the engagement, it's what comes next. So, you know, it's always an honor to be asked to be in somebody's wedding and it's sometimes it feels like a undertaking, but it's always so worth it. Yeah. Well, it comes with a big financial, I mean, there's a, there's a huge cost associated with that. Absolutely. Yeah. So sometimes if you know you're in that, you know, season where a lot of friends are gonna be getting engaged, it may be a good idea to kind of plan for that. Even if you don't know who's gonna get engaged, you kind of have an idea on the horizon of, you know, Maybe gonna get engaged so you can kind of plan ahead if you think you're gonna have a lot of wedding related expenses coming up. So as far as the groomsman side, I think it's a lot easier because most of the weddings that I've been around, usually the bridesmaids have a lot of responsibility. They have to, you know, each one has a different job and there's a lineup. And then on the groomsman side, there tends to be a group chat where it says, Hey, idiot.
Please be there at 5:00 PM Please have all the clothes that I already assigned to you, and pick them up at 2:00 PM at this address. And please be in a good state and ready to celebrate the wedding together. And then the group chat says, yeah, we'll be there. Let's go. And that's about it. So it's, it's a whole lot easier on the groomsman side than the bridesmaid side I think. Yeah. You do get to do what you're told rather than have to plan It's like, Hey, go get the chairs, kind of, you know? They don't put a lot of responsibility on the friends of the 24 year old getting married. At least the smart fries don't put that kind of responsibility on there. So you don't wanna leave the success to the of the wedding on their shoulders. No, I don't think I'd be, I don't think I would've, well, I shouldn't say that. I might have had a couple responsible. A couple irresponsible. You may have a couple friends listening to this that are going, you just called them out. Yeah. No, I mean, a few of 'em are responsible and a few of 'em are irresponsible. That's how it goes. You know, it's a mixed bag. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. All right, so we go from engagement to wedding season when we think about wedding season, Ryan, why don't we let you take this one to start us off. What do you think of when it comes to wedding season? Well, we're at that age right now where a lot of friends are getting married, so we have a bunch of weddings go to this year. I don't remember the exact number to be honest with you. But we've got, we've got some in three different states this year. I feel like at least one a month, so not six million? No, not 6 million, but I think we have at least one a month from June through October. So it's at least one weekend a month where we're going somewhere, whether it's a cousin or a friend, or a friend from high school or whatever else it might be. Mm-hmm.. And being married, it doubles up the amount too because whenever Katie has a friend from high school or someone like that, going to those too. So that really takes a lot of your weekends. They're kind of decided for you, aren't they? Yeah, some of 'em . So that's kind of the thought on wedding season, I guess, for right now. So Kellar, how about you? Well, for wedding season and like you said in the beginning, you know, when I was first outta college and in my twenties, you know, there was so many weddings and so many things to go to. But really when I think about wedding season now, I think about when I was planning my wedding. So, you know, I had grand plans for all sorts of details. Although I definitely enjoyed at the time, I don't think we're necessarily anything that anyone else would remember, right? So if you're trying to plan a wedding and kind of cultivate a great experience for your guests and your family, you know, I can't really say that I've remembered the food at every wedding I've been to, but I did remember how much I danced. or how funny the speeches were, or just how beautiful the bride looked or any of those things that, are really memorable, are super important when planning a wedding? I think you can do away with some of the older traditions like favors. People don't really do that as much, and I personally haven't gotten many favors that I've never used. So I think that they feel obligatory, but I don't think they're necessary, especially if you're, you know, trying to really have a tight budget on those kinds of things. They can be cool. I forget who it was, but I got one that's a coozi and I still, I collect coozi. So Katie's thrilled with the 800 Cozzies that I never used , but I have one of those so they can be cool. Okay, now if that's something that you really like and that's something that's important to you, absolutely that's something you should spend money on. But we had a wedding cake made, and I made it fairly small. We had just sheet cake in the back, and so they cut up sheet cake, tastes the same. It's lovely and delicious, but you don't need to pay for, you know, a seven tier cake because you have that many guests. Like you can have a small wedding cake and save a little bit of money on grocery store sheet cake to feed everybody. And they'll be thrilled with it. Now the, the key question though is, is did you save your cake topper and actually like eat it at the one year anniversary. Wait, whoa. What? You've never heard of that? I don't think I've ever heard of this. You don't know of this tradition. You saved the cake topper? So you take the cake topper? Yeah. You, you give it to a mother-in-law or a mother. Right. Okay. And we'll bring mother-in-laws up in a little while, I'm sure. But you give it to a mother-in-law, they put it in their freezer, right? They Ziploc bag it or whatnot. Mm-hmm., wrap it in foil put in their deep freeze and then literally a year later, your anniversary, you take it out maybe a day or two before, put it in the fridge, let it kind of un freeze. And, and as it defrosts if you will, then you're able to cut into it and celebrate. Mm-hmm., you're one year. Hmm. I mean, so did you do that? I mean, the second time around. Okay. Like, well, the first time around, I did it, yes. But the second time around, I'm not sure which story to go with, but I would say like, maybe for those that don't know, Dave loves marriage so much that he's done it twice. I do. I mean, when people say like, how much do you love being married? I, I just say, I really, really love being married and I'm gonna be married for probably 50, 75 years, just a, a couple. So just a couple people. The but, but the, the the second time around, let's talk about that wedding. That was actually a zoom wedding because of the pandemic. And so I had never done that before. Right. And, and so we actually did have a cake made, but it was just kind of like what you discussed, McKeller, in that it was a smaller cake because it was literally 18 of us between the bride, and the groom the parents on both sides. An aunt a photographer and his wife and the minister. And his wife just maybe 16, 18 of us. Mm-hmm., it wasn't a very big crew at all, because of course, back then you could not get married in a church because all meeting spaces were closed. It was winter, it was December 31st, 2020. remind my memory. Wasn't that when there were no restaurants or anything open in Kentucky at all for like, that was like the one month where we were completely nothing. I don't know if, if everything wasn't open, but I, I think that all big meeting spaces like churches and things of that nature were, we gather, were closed with like larger gatherings and so, so, but we did go ahead and we got an actual cake with a cake topper and my mother did save that cake topper and one year later we did defrost it and enjoy it on our anniversary. And I have to say, I've always said, nobody remembers what the cake tastes like. Mm-hmm., they just remember what the pictures of the cake with the bride and groom look like. Right.. It's just one of those pictures that everybody has who's been married or has been part of a wedding. They'll, they'll see some picture with a cake, right? But I can tell you this particular cake, because of it being a Zoom wedding and we didn't have the distractions. a lot of people or we could really take our time in the day and we really didn't focus on food. It was just really a focus on family. Mm-hmm. and, and tying the knot. And I've got a few stories there, but we really enjoyed that cake. Right? Because it was honestly one of the only things that kind of felt normal. In a really weird timeframe in the world. You know, I mean to, to kind of go into a weird timeframe on that, not only did we get married on Zoom, which I know Ryan, you had a comment on that you said your grandmother was excited about that. We were together for Christmas just with my grandmother and my parents. Okay. And we logged on to watch the wedding at four o'clock and I don't remember the exact time. Sure. And my grandmother was like, well, can I come? Because I've never done a Zoom wedding. I've been to lots of weddings. I don't think she'd ever met you before . But it made her day because she gotta see a wedding on Zoom. So there wasn't a lot going on at the time. We gave her some entertainment. Yeah. happened to be there, be a participant, right? That's it. We had probably 300 plus guests log into our Zoom room and we had, including grandmother wedding Crashers. Yes. I'm sure we had a few wedding crashers in there. And but we had, you know, the iPad set up, taken the picture of the, of the, of the room. We had everybody, the bride was in a beautiful dress. Mm-hmm., the, all the groomsmen. children were all wearing tuxedos. We had, you know, my father was one of the attending ministers who has married over 300 people. So that's a lot of marriages that is. And I had the privilege of actually telling him that day just maybe two, three months before as we were planning the wedding, that I had decided because the first time he married me, it didn't work out. So, That I, I felt like I needed to go in a different direction. Yeah. A breakup talk all and, and you, it's me. Right. And that's when I broke the news. I then broke the news to him that, newly appointed by the Sun Church. One of my besties, father Keith would be, doing the Nuptials And my dad, I was very surprised with actually how he took the news. But I also was reminded about where I came from. And what my family history is and, and how you can turn a conversation because he accepted it and then he turned the conversation and said, well, I'm really happy about that. And, do you think that maybe I should help Keith a little bit on some of the actual real pastoring duties so that he doesn't get frustrated or stressed or screw up your wedding. Oh. And, you know, suggested that yes, he could give you're you know, kind of your charge and, and do the exchange of rings and pronounce your husband and wife, right? But perhaps the, the real pastoring stuff, the actual stuff that you know, has, has scripture and has, certain words that you need to use as part of the ceremony, that that should actually be done by someone who'd done it a few hundred times, not someone doing it for the first time. So basically the stuff your dad really cared about. Absolutely. And so we not only had Father Keith, but we had you know, Minister Smyth also marry us, but I think Minister Smyth while we did pay him in Oreos and red wine. Oh, right. Okay. That's fair compensation. I still think he was slightly slighted that Father Keith did get a parking spot that said Father Keith on the side of an oak tree outside the house. Mm. But to this day, we left that sign. and anytime Father Keith in town mm-hmm., he will pay my father a visit and park there just to, you know, get together another fellow of the member of the clergy . Yeah. And drop in and have a cup of coffee to meet a meeting of the minds. To discuss their honored profession. So, but with a Zoom wedding, we were able to have some friends of ours who are one of our friends, real accomplished photographer, took our wedding pictures and we were just, overjoyed to have him do that. And normally he'd be photographing a UK game or Keeneland or Kentucky football or something else, but with everything being canceled, he had time in his hands and he was dying to take pictures. So it actually worked out as a win-win for everyone there. But, so we have a beautiful cake. We have beautiful pictures of the bride and groom and all the family members. We have the video on Zoom. And, and really the, the place, the food we didn't do any kind of, you know, real gifts or anything like that. Right. Just because we're in that moment of just trying to make it feel normal in a not normal time. Right. How about you guys? I mean, what are some things when you think back to your own weddings, you know, what are some of those memories? How would you tie it? I mean, I had the Zoom wedding, we'll call it. Mm-hmm., how would you term your wedding? So I had an outdoor wedding in New York in October, which is always a risk. Undertaking with New York weather, as I'm sure Upstate New York, right? Upstate. Okay. Yes. Upstate this, this Yankee territory. Absolutely. Yes, absolutely. So, yeah, just to clarify, so if anyone needs to tune out, we can put a little warning in the intro of what minutes would be. Yes. Is this where that PIcante Salsas made? New York City, we're a little bit farther from New York City. Hey, that's a back in my day ad, Ryan doesn't even know. He's looking at us like, what are you even talking about? Yes. Back. I remember that. I remember that. Okay. This isn't Pace Picante sauce. You have no idea. No. Can't tell you. So I'll Google that one later. It was a commercial from back in the, back in our day. So yeah. But outdoor wedding in October in New York, in Rochester. And you know, . I really wanted, because my husband's family is Peruvian, I really wanted there to be Spanish included in our ceremony. So we had to find a a minister who would do an outdoor ceremony and who could speak Spanish and English. And we happen to find one and his wife is actually Peruvian. So she came to the wedding and she had the best time. So she got to hang out with all these other Peruvians. And so, the ceremony was in Spanish and English. We did do our vows just in English, because I don't speak Spanish super well. But we had, you didn't wanna say the wrong thing. I really didn't. So I wanted to make, and I wanted to make sure that I was, you know, they're very important, so I wanted to make sure I got them right. And then we had his uncle say some passages in Spanish and my sister sung a song for us, a Beatles song that was sung at my parents' wedding. So all of that was kind of really important to me, just to make sure that. because some of the, his family doesn't speak English, and so I really wanted them to feel really involved in that portion especially. So we wanted to make sure that we were accommodating, so we had Spanish invitations and Spanish menus and all those things. So with my dad. I remember the day before the wedding, I'll never forget this, the day before the wedding, I wanted to make a centerpiece out of a tree stump. That was really, this is my vision. So my dad and I, the day before the wedding, we'd go out to my woods, we'd have this big, you know, Christmas tree farm at my parents' house. And so we found this tree stump and we were taking a chainsaw and we were cutting this tree stump down. And we had to, you know, core out the middle because basically my florist was gonna put this big floral decoration in this big tree stump. So I'm out in the woods in my rehearsal dinner dress, using a chainsaw to make this tree stump floral decoration. And so finally we cut it down, we get it inside, you know, weighs a ton, so I'm out there sweating like crazy in this dress. Anyway, and of course I didn't do any of this ahead of time. I didn't live in New York at the time. So anyway, so we get the tree stump, we get in there, we go to the rehearsal, have a great. Well, little did I know that there was a huge infestation of spiders in this tree. Oh, lordy. No, no, no, no, no. So they didn't tell me this till afterwards, but they went into the tent in the morning of the wedding. It was overrun with spiders. Spiders. Everywhere. And of course they didn't, they couldn't tell me. I would've lost my mind. Freaked out. Yes. So, you know, my sister's out there with like, Raid, and they're smacking spiders everywhere. They're opening up the tents. They're just trying to like blow fan. They're doing anything they can do to get the spiders gone. So, long story short, they, they did get rid of all the spiders by the time the guests got there. But the day of the wedding was a bit stressful. My dogs got out. They ran away. The power went out at one point. I guess that's what you get when you have your wedding at your parents' house in upstate New York, in Rochester. Oh my gosh. With that story, she has just gone from guest to extra special guest. Because you now approve a special guest. Extra special guest because spiders are like my kryptonite. Yeah. I cannot ever, no, no, no. So just good to it's amazing that you survived that. It is amazing. So we carried on. So it was good. Wow. Wow. Okay. So Ryan, how can you compare to that story? I mean, I feel like you're, you're, you're playing for second place right now,. I definitely should have gone first, but we were kind of coming out the back end of Covid, but Covid was still going on. So we definitely wanted to do outside and Katie and I were both horse lovers, so we did Saxony farm in just outside of Lex. Beautiful place. Yeah, it was very nice, very nice. And had people from, I think we had like 26 states people came in from, because my family's from Maryland, Florida. Her family's from Ohio and everywhere else, and then we've got friends all over the place. So it was a lot of people coming in from out of town. But the one story that I think was, is my favorite, well, favorite and least favorite at the same time. So planning the wedding, I would say I was always giving an opinion, but always agreeing with Katie's opinion. So, McKellar, that's kind the right. Good choice. Good choice. McKellar can back me up. This I'm not to do, there. I'm nodding my head. The one thing I did not do that on was the decision on dessert for the wedding, because I was like, how can you have a wedding without cake? I'm like, that's like going to a horse race without horses. Like, you can't go to the wedding. without Cake, doesn't work. So, but Katie didn't want a cake. Okay. And Katie's family has tradition where in the, it's, it's an Ohio tradition from the small town that. I don't, I don't remember. I'm butchering this, so her mom will fix me next time., she, after shes hears this, but there's a tradition from where she's from that all the women in her family make a few cookies and all the women in my family too that can, that weren't traveling from out of town make a few cookies and there's a cookie table. So I was like, you know what? We'll have the cookie table. It's all good. We had the cookie table. The cookie table was awesome. Loved it, right? It was, had a great, had a great cookie table. I did wonder why you didn't have cake. Yeah. Well, wait a second., . I think it was around Tuesday, the week of the honeymoon when we're walking down the beach and I said something about Hey, you know what? I'm really glad we didn't do a cake. The cookie table worked out good, you know, I was like, you're right. You know I'm, you know, it was great. And she goes, what do you mean? I'm like, well, you know, the cookie table. It was great. And she's like, we did have a cake. It was your surprise groom cake. You didn't see it. I said, what are you talking about? Well, Katie went to all this effort without telling me, my surprise for the wedding was to make a grooms cake that had my favorite horse from when I was a kid on it. Okay. And it was like this, like handmade cake that her mom and aunts all put together. And it was like in the corner. Well, it got ate before I made it to the cookie table , and apparently I just never saw it, so I saw the picture of it. It was very cool. And I'm sure it tasted great for whoever had some and some of my friends told me later that it was delicious. But that, that is the one memory that I thought was kind of funny for mine. Oh no, you never ate your own cake at your own wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the cookies were great , so That's awesome. Yeah. Well, the and then, you know, kind of thinking back. In my day, right? Mm-hmm., I got married as a 20 year old right? The first time around, and it was about as it was down in Alabama, right? Fair Hope, Alabama, where all the US presidents actually go to summer and play golf down there on Mobile Bay. And got married down there and it was, it was, you know, a much more religious wedding, right? In a church and kind of traditional southern. and so the reception of course was in the, was in the reception hall. Sure. And, you know, everybody kind of brought food in. That was our catering back in the day. Mm-hmm.. I mean, I don't even think I'd actually, because I was one of the first people to get married in my friend group mm-hmm. in college, if not the first. There might have been a couple other folks, but I mean, I really think I'm was the first one, my core group. I didn't even have any thoughts back then on like, is there supposed to be a caterer or any of these other details or, you know, how the event's supposed to run? No, it was, it was truly like, kind of like Ryan described, like, get your groomsmen down there. Make sure in one piece, right, make sure they have some clothes to wear. Right. You know nobody have too many shots of whatever out of the pints they had in their pockets. Right. and and try not to cry too much when your sister walks down the aisle. Hmm. And so, you know, I think I failed at all of those. Right. One, I, I didn't get all my groomsmen there in one piece. two, they were drunk. Two, they, they were, they were happy which wasn't good in the Southern Church. Three. A couple of my groomsmen had hair that were longer than some of the bridesmaids. Oh, wow. Because yeah. I had some hippie friends back in the day. Yeah. And they must going over grape, there were musicians, Royal, Alabama. Right. And even though there were great musicians that did not go so well in rural Alabama at all. Yeah. There was definitely some hair envy. And and then, and then lastly what was the last thing I was supposed to do is did you cry at your sister? Oh, that's right. I did not cry at my sister and my sister. She turned the corner right as one of the bridesmaids, and I saw her and I just melted. Aw. She just melted. And by the time the bride actually walked down, you know, it was, I was just like a puddle on the floor.. Okay. So you know, tho that's a, that's a very fun memory, but I do remember you know, I didn't even, I, I guess I, all I remember from weddings as a kid growing up was people being pelted with bird seeded, right? As they. Walking out the doors and it, it, you know, back then you just used bird seeded. And then I apparently, like bird seed's, bad for, no, it used to use rice. Rice, okay. Rice and, and rice is bad for the, for birds. Birds, right. Rice. So then we went to bird seeded, and then now we're in a world where we're like, we don't even use that cuz it's bad for some other animal. And so we used bubbles or rice or whatnot, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm.. But but back then, you know, they, they pelted us with, with rice or bird seed or whatnot. got in the car and went to open the door. And as I reached for the door handle, I realized this isn't normal. And I realized I was reaching into this gooey mess of, of spinach dip. Okay. And I didn't really realize what it was at the time, but then I saw the look on my mother-in-law's face, and the look was one of, I won't say pure hate , but it wasn't really directed at. It was at at my grosman. Right. Apparently they thought it would be funny to take the kind, it's kinda like the specialty cake, right. That they did to surprise you. Uhhuh.. She had made this special spinach dip at a couple bowls of it. Sure. Right. To go on this beautiful, you know, wedding spread that we were celebrating with the nuptials, with everyone at the reception. And apparently my groomsmen had taken these bowls and had taken all the spinach dip and had kind of smooshed it, smooshed it into all the door handles on the car, as well as into the kind of the door areas. You know, it's like when you opened the door, there was the door jam in the door jam. There was spinach dip mushed in there. It is nasty. And of course I think they thought it was really funny and I don't think she ever forgave them . Yeah. And but you know, we. You know, we can't look back. We can't change those things. But the, the thing is, in thinking about it, I was so young, I didn't even realize how young I was. I didn't realize we didn't have alcohol at the wedding. Right. Because, because growing up, you know, in my world, alcohol was not part of my family life growing up. Sure. It was something that, my parents might have a small glass of wine and a tiny little pewter glass that was probably the equivalent of like three ounces. Mm-hmm.. And they might fill it halfway up. Right. And that was their literally glass of wine for dinner. Mm-hmm. you know, and so it was a bottle of wine in our house. Probably lasted two weeks. Three weeks. I mean, you know, different world. Right. You know, now you go to a restaurant. Five ounce pore is the small pour, right. Right. Half a bottle of wine is the large pour. Mm-hmm. It's just a different world we live in. But, we just had a very traditional wedding with non-traditional groomsmen. In a, in a very traditional state. And topped off before I got the spinach dip on my hands everywhere and drove off. Right. I finished the photography and one of my favorite pictures to think back and what really truly describes that wedding day in my mind forever will be the fact of my father-in-law holding a shotgun to my head as I smiled with the bride. Hmm. Now, is there anything more southern than that? A true shotgun. True shotgun wedding. Wedding. All right. Very southern. Yeah. Yeah. And thankfully he never used the shotgun on me. Right. Is Your dad didn't have to do that to Jorge No. No. Okay. No are they even allowed, were they allowed to have guns up there? Yeah, of course. In New York, I don't know. You have get into a permit. Yes. We have to have permits and register and all that, but yes, we're allowed. Okay. Well yeah, we didn't have that issue down in Alabama. I'm sure. Not , but but yeah, I'll never forget getting married in one of my wedding pictures is literally my father-in-law holding a shotgun directly at my head. Smiling. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Puts a little pressure on you. Just a little. So the second time around. Right. Fast forward a whole many, many, many years like and weapons involved, no weapons in involved, but Carrie's father. Mm-hmm. and I know he'll probably listen to this so I'm gotta be used my words very carefully. Yes. Okay. He has a law enforcement background, shall we say. Okay. And so if you've ever seen the movie, Meet the Fockers, okay. That is my experience now with my father-in-law, okay. Where I never exactly know what to say. Sure. Because I'm worried about how I'm being analyzed. Mm-hmm.. And I wouldn't be surprised if in his house, he doesn't have a mobile home, right? Mm-hmm.. But if in his house has Some secret passageway to this bay of computers and all sorts of spy gadget things, right. And things like that. And I'm sure he's run my tags and, and he's run my fingerprints. Yeah. Background checks. I'm sure he knows everything about me and mm-hmm. Ed, if you're listening in, appreciate you very much. Yes, exactly. But but yeah, I mean, so how things change, I don't have a shotgun in my head now, but now I have a digital tracker on me. I'm sure there is, there is, it's modern times. It is modern times. And we have to address, you know, and adjust to those things. For modern needs. For modern needs. Yes. Yes. So what would you say would be things that people should keep in mind as they're, as they're tying the knot, as they're playing the wedding? Any kind of, let's start with wedding tips and then maybe we'll go into kind of financial tips. Mm-hmm., Where do we go with that? So for wedding tips, I think that it's really the most important to spend money if you're planning this big event on things that you are going to remember and cherish. And I think it's very easy today, in today's, you know, times of Instagram and Twitter and TikTok and all these things to have all of these aspirational image. You know, you're getting bombarded with those all of the time. And so really going back to what's important to you, and your soon to be partner. Right? So, is it important for you to have Spanish in your ceremony? Is it important for you to have cozies, for, you know, a memorabilia? Whatever's important to you is the thing that you should focus on first and then really because it is about you two as a couple coming together. So whatever's gonna make that day feel as special as you can possibly make it is really the most important thing. I think so, yeah. For me, I'd say it's just don't stress. Don't stress when things go wrong because you're, I don't remember actually I, some of the things that went wrong, we remember and we think they're funny now. And you don't remember a lot of the things that go. So just enjoy it. That was, and the other thing is it went by so fast. I mean, like, it was like I woke up and then bam the day was over. It was just, it was one of the fastest days of my life in a good way. Cuz you get to see all the people you love in one place. There's not a lot of days you get to see that and you know, a lot of great things. But, you know, I remember. We did a good job, I think, of not stressing the little things and just rolling with the day and that'd be my biggest advice. You know, one thing you said that don't stress, right? Yeah. About the little things. I, I 100% understand exactly what you're saying there because of my own experience getting married in a pandemic, right? And you were on the kind of the backside of it. I was right in the midst of it. And at first the thought that we weren't going to be able to do some type of traditional wedding and have everyone around it was like, well, we might as well just go to the courthouse and get married. Cuz what does it matter? Mm-hmm., you know, at this point we just want to be married and then we'll have a reception when the world opens back up. Sure. And I'm so glad we actually did not. I am so glad we chose the Zoom route. As odd as it seemed at the time. Mm-hmm., because one of the other things you said, the day went so fast, right? Mm-hmm., my day went really fast as well, but the cool thing was for my reception area, because of Zoom mm-hmm., right? We were able to actually set up a separate camera, right, for our reception area, that we were able to go into the dining room , right, and have a meet and greet with all of our guests that were on. And so because of that, we were, we had Zoom rolling and so it recorded it. Yeah. And so we were able not only to get the service, but we were actually able to get the conversations of all of those people that we talked to. That's, and you can't really special, you can't hear everything perfectly just because of the kind of den of people in the other room and things, but, but you can see the faces and the smiling and the con, you know, and, and you get the idea. But it, it actually, I don't think the first time around, I could even tell you half the people that I met. Right, right. Because of two different sides of the family and this and that, and this time we've been able to go back and say like, now who was that? Mm-hmm. or who was that? And, and, and if I feel even more connected to people, believe it or not, even though we were doing it remotely. Yeah. So it, it was, it was actually something that, that out of kind of the stress of this is gonna be awful. Mm-hmm., you know, and, we want it to be fairy tale esque. And this is not gonna be that it actually turned completely 180 and became something that, you know, I would encourage people to do if, if they're, especially if they're in a remote location where family can't attend. Right. And or you know, I've heard that more and more people are at least putting up a zoom feed for their wedding. Mm-hmm. for people to start to log into if they can't get there remotely and they can't afford to travel the tickets. So a hybrid wedding. Yeah, a hybrid wedding. a work from home wedding. Yeah. Pat that phrase, and I think you should hybrid wedding.com, you'll have like a, a digital like receiving line, if you will, so you can see all these people and say,. Well, you know, and speaking of hybrid many, many weddings and I'm way past the kind of the initial wedding season age that you're at, Ryan, you know, and, and you know, now we're kind of on our second round of weddings for a lot of people or. Are getting married, right. Friends, children are now getting married, but it's, it's different going as a guest than being a participant. Right. When you go as a guest, you know, I actually really appreciate it when I'm on the waiting list, they just simply say, could you send us a gift? Sure. Because that means you still have your Saturday, right? You could. Lounging around on your deck or sunshine or whatnot. You don't have to tie up the noose, you know? Yeah. You don't have to, and you could just en enjoy the day and, and celebrate from afar. That's it. You know, though, that said, I know there's lots of, of course, family and, and reasons that I do want to be at those activities, but it is nice to, to have the option now that we don't necessarily have to carve out the whole weekend. Right., right? Yeah. Or have to be the ones. Setting up the chairs or, you know, doing the, all the deep, picking up people from the airports and Right. All the other tasks that get mm-hmm. they get associated into that wedding weekend. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So when it comes to, if there's a couple out there and they're, they're, whether they're tying them out for the first time, the second time, you know what would be just some, you know, and they're, and they're just trying to. how do we make all of our finances work? Mm-hmm., you know, what would be that first step that y'all would recommend that they consider taking mm-hmm.. How do they enter into that conversation with each other and, and, you know, and, and, you know, what do they need to be looking for and thinking about as they, as they get to that point? Yeah, so I mean, I, there's a, there's a lot of opinions out.. And there's a lot of people out there that say, oh, you always have to merge everything. And there's a lot of experts out there that say, oh, you should have, you have to have your own this and own that. And I think that everyone in this room has worked with enough people that do it well and do it poorly when they merge everything and do it well and do it poorly when they don't merge everything. Mm-hmm.. And everyone has their own balance of how they do that. And even when we were talking before we did this podcast, all three of us do ours a different.. And there's nothing wrong with having a different angle at how you approach that as long as you and your spouse are on the same page. So as long as you guys have, are in agreement on how you're gonna do it and are honest about it, I, I think that you just have to find what works for you. That's, that's the biggest thing. Mm-hmm.. It's really about the communication. It's, it's more about the communication than the, than the making sure everything is exactly the same. So it's, it's just make sure everyone's on the same page and make sure., you know, you're very open with each other, and if you are then and you find something that works for you, go for it. And if you try something for a couple months and it doesn't work, then you can change it up, you know? Right. And you know, everyone, everyone makes changes throughout their lives and that there's nothing wrong with that. So just because you're trying to do separate bank accounts at the start of your marriage or trying to do a bank account together, or trying to do two separate and one together, doesn't mean you're married to that way of doing bank accounts. You're just married to that person., you can divorce that way of doing bank accounts pretty easily and just change that way of doing bank accounts. So, right. Don't stress that too much and just try it and see what works for you. So what do you have to add to that? I totally agree. So the mechanics aren't important, but the end goal I, and the communication to get there is important. So, you know how many bank accounts you have, if were there joint or individual or any of that, that's sort of, you know, bookkeeping. at the end of the day, and really the conversation should be long about long-term goals, right? So do you both wanna work until a certain age? Does one person wanna, you know, retire early and work part-time? Like those kinds of conversations that about what you want your life to look like and how you can build a plan around those goals in order to accomplish what you both want to. So that's really important. As far as just being on the same page with not only short term, you know, logistics, but also long-term plans and, you know, retirement outlook, that kind of thing. Yeah, and I mean, a lot of times people probably expect us to say, well, you gotta do this with this account, and you gotta do that with that account. But it really starts the communication. It really starts about talking about it and getting on the same page. Mm-hmm.. And, and the thing is, is that, is that. there's a lot of of people out there that think, I have to have X amount to, to come work with you guys. I have to have X amount, I have to have my stuff together, my life together, you know, to come work with you. And, and the reality is, is that you don't, you can be a complete dumpster fire. Right? You can have, I mean, but, but even if you're, even if two households are getting together that are complete dumpster fires, right? You, you still need to have a financial coach. Sure. You need to have someone that comes in. And I, and notice I didn't say referee.. Mm-hmm., I said coach. Right. Because cuz oftentimes we, we see, we've been looked at across the table. What are you gonna tell him how he's supposed to do this? Yeah. Well, did, did the runner catch the ball and bounce or not? Right? They both feet in. Right? I mean, you need to make a call now and there's no time for replay. Yeah. Right, right. Who is right and who is wrong? That is not our job. Our job is to be a coach and I actually love the aspect of coaching clients at whatever stage of life they're, they're with. But there's truly an excitement. I mean, there's excitement when people are retiring, right? Right. But people have usually been talking about retirement for years and years and years. So a lot of times that excitement in retiring is like almost relief. Yeah. Like absolutely where we made it, right? Mm-hmm.. But the excitement of two people tying the knot and getting together. and, and figuring out how they're gonna work their finances and also just figuring out their collectively shared goals. Mm-hmm. and and plans for the future. I mean, that's some really exciting stuff. Yeah. And it's a time when, when done right. Right. That, that it can really just be like rocket fuel and propel not only, you know, the, the two people, but also that married unit together even. you know, financially down their path. Absolutely. Yeah. By just taking a few steps and doing a plan. And, and that is a plan that we offer. It's called the tying the Not Plan. Mm-hmm.. And you know, we just, we just hope if you're out there and you're listening that you'd get in touch with our office if they do want to get in touch with us, Ryan, how can they get in touch with us? Whatever way's easier for you. You can email you can call, you can text, you can't text about, you know, security related things, obviously, but you can text and just say, hello, I want to talk. Anything, whatever's the easiest way. Our number's 859-219-1006. Or you can shoot us an email, david.smyth@familyfinancialpartners.com or team@familyfinancialpartners.com, or you can visit the website of course at familyfinancialpartners.com. And we do have a section on the website that talks specifically about our fee for plan programs and tying them out as one of those. McKellar, we just wanna thank you for, for being our special guest, special, special privileged guest. Absolutely. I've really upgraded since the beginning of this podcast. 100%. In Dave's eyes at least. I want you to come back with more stories like that. I mean, that story that's so funny. Made my skin crawl. Yeah. So maybe we should just have an episode going forward at some point on just Mc Keller's stories on. No lordy. No. No. Can you tell her stories that give Dave the creepy crawlies? Yeah. I mean, she has also two small children, so, right. I mean, I'm sure she could, she could probably do an entire episode just on disgusting things the two small children have done. Yeah. You know, a hundred episodes on that. Yeah. A hundred episodes. A hundred episodes on that. Yeah. But thank you so much for, for joining us today. You definitely added a better component to this topic and a better perspective than what Ryan and I could have ever. By ourselves. Absolutely. Oh, great. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you having me, and it's been a pleasure being here. So thank you. All right, everybody. Well thanks for tuning in again and we will be back in May for our next episode and we'll see you then.
